The floor looked sad koral so I thought it needed a hug!”Ĥ2. “Just once in my life, I’d actually like to see a liar’s pants catch on fire.”Ĥ0. “It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.”ģ9. I will stop taking my pills, and nobody wants that-do they?”ģ8. “I’m guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve, but when I’m done. “I hate that moment when you’re tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed, your body is like just kidding.”ģ6. “My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning so I stayed home to take care of it.”ģ5. Tired? Drink some coffee, headache? Drink coffee, cold? Drink coffee, someone makes you angry? Bust them in the head with the cup!”ģ3. “Never sing in the shower singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked so remember don’t sing.”ģ2. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid and others I would love to punch in the face.”ģ1. Don’t mind me, I’m just returning your nose. They’re called ‘man hours’ because a woman would have that shit done in 20 minutes!Ģ9. “Just because 1 g I’m awake doesn’t mean I am functioning at full capacity.”Ģ8. “If a woman speaks and no one is listening, her name is probably mom.”Ģ7. So I could slap eight people at on sc”Ģ6. “Did you know “diet” stands for: did I eat that?”Ģ4. “My kids’ faces when I ask them if they did their chores pinis”Ģ2. Somedays I just don’t have enough middle fingers to go around.Ģ1. “Love is… Not having to hold your farts in anymoscontrol some days I just don’t have enough middle fingers to go around!!!”Ģ0. “If I give you a straw will you go suck the fun out of someone else’s day?”ġ9. “There’s no better feeling than going to bed at night and not having to set an alarm for tomorrow morning.”ġ8. “Wouldn’t it be so great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free… And three sizes smaller?”ġ6. Decisions will be made using the eenie-meenie minie-moe method and arguments will be settled by sticking out my tongue. “I love my six-pack so much, I protect it layer of fat.”ġ4. “I’m not fat, god gave me airbags cause I’m precious.”ġ3. “Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots 아 -10 without them realizing it.”ġ2. “My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity… I said nope, we all seem to enjoy it!!”ġ1. “A smile is a sign of joy, a hug is a sign of love, a laugh is a sign of happiness and a friend like me… Well… That’s a sign of good taste.
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